When You Feel Truly Loved...

I have to admit. I am a bad person when it comes to interpersonal relationships. While I can easily keep my schedules and appointments when it comes down to Hafl and riding, I can hardly ever keep that same level of ambition with other people. I do not even know why but I am a real bad friend. I do not think that I do it on purpose. Probably, many would not see me at all when not scheduling and appointment or coming over for a chat. Do I ever take the opportunity to invite people to meet me? Do I ever call them? Probably not. I guess I do not even know a single number of them by heart.

Sure, I would meet them when they suggest something, sure I would pick up the phone and chat with them. Maybe I am a passive friend. Maybe I am too much around my horse who needs no appointments, no chats on the phone. Maybe he can read my mind which is why I like that kind of relationship so much. I do not need many words, I do not need to follow any constraints. And it is not that I do not like to talk. I am an introvert-extrovert as they call it. When I am with people, I talk a lot. But I enjoy the moments of silence likewise. Maybe it is like that after a tough day at work with talking eight hours straight I am just happy not to have to talk to anyone anymore. I was like that forever. My parents were pretty worried when I did come from school and refused to talk at all. When I did not invite friends over. When I chose to go talk to the horses instead.

That is the most beautiful pic of Hafl and his new blanket and saddle cover I took on Saturday

One might think that finding friends for someone like me must be a nightmare. And actually, I would not want to be my friend either. But there are people who like me. And with liking, I do not mean the can stand me but more than that. They care for me. They call me. They try to meet up. Even though there is not much activity on my side, they still want to be my friend.

Isn't that the most beautiful saddle cover EVER?

It was my birthday on Friday and writing these lines almost brings me to tears. Okay, you will get hundreds of birthday wishes on Facebook, we all know that, right? But Facebook friends are not real friends, aren’t they? I watched my Facebook account closely on Friday (and Saturday) and more than 140 people send me a message or posted on my wall. I have roundabout 1,000 friends, so I assume that I actually only KNOW 140 of them. Looking at who wrote was a surprise, though: it was long term friends, fellow students, colleagues from former and actual employers, family. Many of them I actually know! And with many of them, I share a common history. Many of them were horse lovers like me with who I share a common passion, of many I hadn’t heard for a while. And still, they took 20 seconds or whatever it takes to send me a little message. And I was happy on every single one of them. So you could say that Facebook is not the real world and of course, you are right but Facebook was just the tip of the iceberg on that special day.

I love my new Fleck whip

Already on Thursday, my ex-barn mates came to visit us while I lunged Hafl at night and brought presents – even though I had told them not to do it. And honestly, I could not even show them how much surprised and overwhelmed I was. They had a custom fly sheet and a custom saddle cover made for me. All in CI colors, the saddle pad even with embroidery. All handmade. Can you imagine how much effort it was for them to get that done? To find that navy fly sheet and have it redesigned such that it fits even better to our CI?

That piping...especially made for us!

Look at my birthday cards - I love them!

Stephan also chose his presents wisely. I got a custom iPhone cover with Hafl and our logo printed on. He bought a second camera for the trailer and patent leather spur straps – fitting my new boots soon to come.

A second trailer cam - better rear view guaranteed
The patent leather spur straps - they will look lovely on my new boots
Don’t get me wrong, it was not the worth of the presents, it was not the fact that I got presents. It was the fact how wisely they were chosen. How many thoughts were put into them to get them customized, to make them match things that I already have. Why on earth should people do that for me? I guess this is the moment when I felt truly loved. Even though I rarely show the same affection to them, they take me as I am. They are not mad at me when I keep the phone silent for weeks. They do not expect anything in return. None of them does. And I am terribly sorry that I am such a bad friend way too often. I felt truly loved on Friday, and the now I wish for this new year of my life that I can give some of this love back – to make my friends truly loved.

iPhone with style

I did not answer any of the Facebook wishes directly, as I planned to write this highly emotional post and tag every single one pf them. Thank you so much for thinking of me (at least once) a year and taking the time to write a few lines – that is even more appreciated when I consider how bad I am at this.

Thank you!

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