5 Times Your Horse Has A Better Life Than You
Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be YOUR horse? I mean, it might not be as good as being your CAT but still, there are seemingly hundreds of things that makes your horse's life better than yours. Here is a list of at least five of them.
1. Work
YOUR HORSE: You would work an hour a day. Maximum. You would do a little dressage, a little hacking, a little lunging. Your human would praise the slightest sign of good work. You would hear the words GOOD BOY hundreds of time and would feel great. And there it is again. Good boy. You have no idea what you have done right, you just put your left front on the ground. AAAAAND yes, that was worth a treat! YUM! More treats. And that was it. What a great job!
YOU: You work from 9 to 5. Or from 7 to 7. From Monday to Friday or even on the weekends. You are lucky if you have only one job such that you can afford a horse. You work your ass off. Loads and loads of work every day. How often does somebody praise you for being a good girl? You call it a good day when nobody shouted at you.
2. Spas and Treatments
YOUR HORSE: There is a daily spa routine consisting of a massage, your hair being combed, you get a little fly spray here, a little coat shine there. And mane spray. Your hooves get polished regularly and you get a good roll every day in the field. After work, you get your legs cooled and your sweat hosed off.
YOU: You do not even know how to spell the word SPA as you a) do not have the time or b) do not have the money to enjoy a weekend including all spa treatments like massage, manicure or pedicure. You are lucky when you manage to get the dirt off your fingers at night before going back to work the next day. You are lucky when you go out of your apartment and do not have horse hair or shavings on or IN your clothes. Manicure? Nail polish? You must be kidding! No matter what the beauty industry tells you there is no such thing as long lasting...
3. Food
YOUR HORSE: A calculated amount of grains split into three portions over the day decorated with some small pieces of carrots - not too small that they could get stuck, not too big such that you do not have to chew on them too much. A little amount of oil for a shinier coat, other supplements that help your joints or building your muscles. And hay. TONS of hay. The best hay that you can imagine! No mold, as little dust as possible. At least in the warm months, fresh grass, well looked after and handled with care such that you can enjoy it during the majority of the year. The hay is all organic, you can even call it handmade. A little warm mash when it is cold, not too warm, not too cold. Paradise!
YOU: As you spend another big portion of your income on horse feed, you are fine with eating cheap sandwiches, pasta and whatever comes in handy. Your microwave is your best friend, you hardly ever see the organic fruits and vegetable department in your local supermarket, let alone have you ever been in one of those gourmet temples. You eat whatever is at home - no matter if it smells strange - as long as it is not moving, you can still eat it! While you keep checking the small print on your horse's feed and know all the nutrient factors of every supplement, you do not even dare to look at the back of your convenience sandwich that might easily be older than yourself.
4. Health Care
YOUR HORSE: A detailed vaccination plan, automatically scheduled farrier visits, nothing you would give a thought about. The dentist checks your teeth while the chiropractic finds that odd spot the osteopath could not find. A Reiki master passes the mike to a Kinesio tape specialist. Whenever you feel the slightest soupçon of discomfort, you just put on those tiniest wrinkles around your eyes and you can be sure that an armada of specialists will take care.
YOU: You visit the dentist only if your teeth fall out or fall apart (whatever comes first), you do not even remember when you last had your tick shot (even though you live in an endangered area). Regular check ups? Never heard of. You go see a doctor when your leg falls off - but only if you feel like the second one might do the same shortly.
5. Leisure Activities
YOUR HORSE: Majority of the day, you spend in the fields. You run around, you graze, you have a little chat with your friends. When you are in your stall with paddock, you can decide if you still want to chat with your neighbors or if you want to wait for the full board service. Your very own parlor maid makes sure that your stall is clean and you never have to think about barnwork. You sleep when you do not eat or do not want to talk to your neighbors.
YOU: Leisure activities? Like meeting friends? Sleeping in on weekends? Not since you have a horse (and/or decided to show). Friends either come to your barn or see pictures of you and your horse on Facebook and the rare time not spent with your horse and not being at work is split between trying to get your relatively cheap apartment (compared to your horse's square meter price) rid of horse hair, hay flakes and shaving and wash your breeches, saddle pads and horse blankets such that you can use them the next day. Let alone that you then also need to wash your work clothes - always hoping that not too many horse hair, shavings and hay flakes did survive in the washing machine. As there is no full service for you, you do not only have to buy your own food, no, you also need to make sure that there are enough supplements and treats at the barn.
On top of that all, everybody who passes by your horse's stall tells your horse how sweet he is and many many people have treats for him. How often do people pass you by and tell you how sweet your are, cuddle your face and put treats in your mouth?! Okay, whenever that happens: RUN!
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| Life can be tough, but not THAT tough for your horse |
1. Work
YOUR HORSE: You would work an hour a day. Maximum. You would do a little dressage, a little hacking, a little lunging. Your human would praise the slightest sign of good work. You would hear the words GOOD BOY hundreds of time and would feel great. And there it is again. Good boy. You have no idea what you have done right, you just put your left front on the ground. AAAAAND yes, that was worth a treat! YUM! More treats. And that was it. What a great job!
YOU: You work from 9 to 5. Or from 7 to 7. From Monday to Friday or even on the weekends. You are lucky if you have only one job such that you can afford a horse. You work your ass off. Loads and loads of work every day. How often does somebody praise you for being a good girl? You call it a good day when nobody shouted at you.
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| Who has such a beautiful place to work? Hafl has! |
2. Spas and Treatments
YOUR HORSE: There is a daily spa routine consisting of a massage, your hair being combed, you get a little fly spray here, a little coat shine there. And mane spray. Your hooves get polished regularly and you get a good roll every day in the field. After work, you get your legs cooled and your sweat hosed off.
YOU: You do not even know how to spell the word SPA as you a) do not have the time or b) do not have the money to enjoy a weekend including all spa treatments like massage, manicure or pedicure. You are lucky when you manage to get the dirt off your fingers at night before going back to work the next day. You are lucky when you go out of your apartment and do not have horse hair or shavings on or IN your clothes. Manicure? Nail polish? You must be kidding! No matter what the beauty industry tells you there is no such thing as long lasting...
 |
| Who has regular full body peelings? Hafl has! |
3. Food
YOUR HORSE: A calculated amount of grains split into three portions over the day decorated with some small pieces of carrots - not too small that they could get stuck, not too big such that you do not have to chew on them too much. A little amount of oil for a shinier coat, other supplements that help your joints or building your muscles. And hay. TONS of hay. The best hay that you can imagine! No mold, as little dust as possible. At least in the warm months, fresh grass, well looked after and handled with care such that you can enjoy it during the majority of the year. The hay is all organic, you can even call it handmade. A little warm mash when it is cold, not too warm, not too cold. Paradise!
YOU: As you spend another big portion of your income on horse feed, you are fine with eating cheap sandwiches, pasta and whatever comes in handy. Your microwave is your best friend, you hardly ever see the organic fruits and vegetable department in your local supermarket, let alone have you ever been in one of those gourmet temples. You eat whatever is at home - no matter if it smells strange - as long as it is not moving, you can still eat it! While you keep checking the small print on your horse's feed and know all the nutrient factors of every supplement, you do not even dare to look at the back of your convenience sandwich that might easily be older than yourself.
 |
| Who even gets a treat for his cute face? Hafl does! |
4. Health Care
YOUR HORSE: A detailed vaccination plan, automatically scheduled farrier visits, nothing you would give a thought about. The dentist checks your teeth while the chiropractic finds that odd spot the osteopath could not find. A Reiki master passes the mike to a Kinesio tape specialist. Whenever you feel the slightest soupçon of discomfort, you just put on those tiniest wrinkles around your eyes and you can be sure that an armada of specialists will take care.
YOU: You visit the dentist only if your teeth fall out or fall apart (whatever comes first), you do not even remember when you last had your tick shot (even though you live in an endangered area). Regular check ups? Never heard of. You go see a doctor when your leg falls off - but only if you feel like the second one might do the same shortly.
 |
| Who has no reason to feel uncomfy? Hafl has! |
5. Leisure Activities
YOUR HORSE: Majority of the day, you spend in the fields. You run around, you graze, you have a little chat with your friends. When you are in your stall with paddock, you can decide if you still want to chat with your neighbors or if you want to wait for the full board service. Your very own parlor maid makes sure that your stall is clean and you never have to think about barnwork. You sleep when you do not eat or do not want to talk to your neighbors.
YOU: Leisure activities? Like meeting friends? Sleeping in on weekends? Not since you have a horse (and/or decided to show). Friends either come to your barn or see pictures of you and your horse on Facebook and the rare time not spent with your horse and not being at work is split between trying to get your relatively cheap apartment (compared to your horse's square meter price) rid of horse hair, hay flakes and shaving and wash your breeches, saddle pads and horse blankets such that you can use them the next day. Let alone that you then also need to wash your work clothes - always hoping that not too many horse hair, shavings and hay flakes did survive in the washing machine. As there is no full service for you, you do not only have to buy your own food, no, you also need to make sure that there are enough supplements and treats at the barn.
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Who enjoys huge fields of best green grass? Hafl does!
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| Who gets to hear that he is a great boy hundreds of times? Hafl does! |
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